Courageous 60 seconds: supporting others
When you hold a leadership position, how you deal with conflict serves as the model for the team. In formal conflict resolution, leaders are often encouraged to intervene early to improve the outcome.
Check in regularly. Say things like:
- How are things going?
- Where are you stuck?
- How can I support you in that relationship?
- What do you need from me?
- How are you feeling about that meeting?
Acknowledge conflict behaviour when you become aware of it. Say things like:
- I noticed/heard/saw your interaction – how are you doing? What is being done?
- I hear that’s frustrating for you.
- I want you to know I’ve observed this behaviour and am dealing with it.
- I know about the situation with your colleague.
- I may not be able to communicate my actions but I want you to know I’m addressing the situation.
- That behaviour is inconsistent with our team values/communication agreements – what is going on for you?
- Are you okay? What support do you have/need?
Sometimes, people just need to be heard.
- ask: do you need me to just listen right now?
- try deep active listening (reflect, paraphrase, check for understanding)
- be clear about what hearing them out means and doesn’t mean
- manage expectations about what you will/won’t do
- say: thank you for sharing that. I will need to think about/reflect/look into this
- I will get back to you by ____
When you are in conflict, model quick and courageous resolution by sharing your feelings and clarifying misunderstandings immediately.
- use the Experience Cube to describe what is happening
- say: I’m feeling myself reacting and want to pause and gather my thoughts
- say: I’m not okay with this, but need a moment to process what I want/need right now
Set and clarify expectations, roles and boundaries. Say things like:
- Those words are not okay here/that is not okay.
- What I’m asking is a part of your work responsibility.
- That behaviour is not appropriate in our context.
- This is my expectation of you.
- I’ve heard both of you. I know you may not like this, but this is still my decision.
- What can I clarify for you? What might we need to discuss so that we all understand?
- That is within the scope of my role.
- This is what is best for the team.
- I stand by my decision.
- I expect you to resolve this and change your behaviour.